The Coaching Question I Should Have Asked as a Parent
Parenting can be a masterclass in making assumptions. You see your kid crying, pancaking on the floor, throwing a fit, or resisting to cooperate, and your brain immediately jumps to the “obvious” problem.
But here’s the truth: most of the time, the thing I assume is the problem… isn’t the problem at all. And that’s where coaching has completely flipped the script for me.
Because, if no one has told you, when you assume, you can make an a** out of u and me (I know, yes corny joke).
The Story
My daughter gets into the car after school screaming saying she hates her artwork, throwing the crumbled balls at the front passenger seat. I look down at the crumpled balls and realize that was her artwork. She states that she’s upset she didn’t win the contest, and ripped her artwork in half and crumpled the balls in frustration.
Here’s where I made the mistake. My first question was “Tell me more about your artwork”. This led to a discussion about self-confidence and by the time we arrived home from the 5 min car ride, I realized it wasn’t the true focus of the problem.
Suddenly the lightbulb in my head went off and I realized the problem wasn’t about the art, but something completely different. She had ripped the artwork in two after being frustrated she didn’t win an impression contest.
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The Coaching Question I Should Have Asked
Instead of assuming I already knew the problem, the coaching question I should have asked was:
“Tell me more about the contest”
Because once I got curious about the problem instead of acting like a mama bear, I could see the difference. Art wasn’t the enemy. The impression contest was. Then, that shifted how I responded to the situation. From positive motivation mode to helping her understand the contest was a “one and done” situation.
Why This Matters
As parents, when we assume, we usually go straight into solution mode. We could be solving the wrong problem, which means the issue can still tug at their heartstrings in the future, and not truly be resolved. Coaching questions help us slow down and uncover the real issue hiding underneath.
3 Things That Happen When We Ask Instead of Assume:
Your kids feel seen, not managed. They know you’re listening instead of just reacting to the situation.
Energy savings. Not just for you, but for them too. No more stressing over surface-level issues that don’t get resolved.
The root problem gets addressed. Which usually means the “symptoms” will disappear.
Coaching Reflection for You as a Mom
Here’s a question for you—because our assumptions sneak into parenting, but also into our own lives:
Where in your parenting (or your day) are you solving the wrong problem? And what would shift if you asked yourself: “What’s really going on here?”
Here’s the secret sauce. That’s the magic of coaching. It’s not about fixing the surface-level stuff. It’s about bringing to light what’s really at play so we can respond in a way that actually works.
Until next time, enjoy the journey!
Copyright Me Time 4 Mom, LLC
