Why Slowing Down Feels So Hard (Even When You’re Exhausted)
Relaxing by the water is my favorite thing to do
Ever notice how relaxing somehow feels like another thing to check off your to-do list? Like, ok, self-care time. Ten deep breaths, a mini meditation, one candle, ready go! It’s funny how rest can feel more like an action step rather than a pause.
The Fast-Paced Default
For so many of us, especially moms, our default is set to just go. We move fast, think faster, and feel a weird comfort from staying in motion. Ever notice how most moms with young kids even eat standing up? Stillness? That feels suspicious. When the house is quiet, someone’s either sleeping, sick, or up to something involving a mess or sneaking sugary snacks.
We’ve trained our brains to link busyness with value. If I’m doing something, I’m contributing. If I’m still, I’m slacking. It’s a hard mindset to shake, even when we know it’s unsustainable.
When Stillness Feels Wrong
The second we sit down, our brain fires off a list of to do’s: laundry, lunches, emails, life. Even when we manage to block out the noise, guilt sneaks in. You begin to think things like “I should be doing something.”, “Just get up and do it.”, or “Other people don’t get to rest.” etc.
So, we try to relax… and instead end up scrolling, checking the calendar, or reorganizing our mental to-do list all in the name of “rest.”
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The Time Warp Effect
Here’s where it gets weird. Time gets all wonky when we slow down. Doing nothing for five minutes can feel like an eternity. But an hour of zoning out on the couch can vanish in the blink of an eye.
That’s because our sense of time changes depending on how much stimulation we have. When we’re busy, our brains are overloaded, so time seems to move fast. When we’re still, our brains actually notice time passing - which can feel uncomfortable, especially when we’re not used to it. As Marc Wittmann says “Just waiting through time - without anything to do - can be painful.”
Basically, our nervous systems are so conditioned to flight mode that when we’re calm it feels unnatural. Like wearing shorts after a long season of leggings and yoga pants - necessary to dress for the weather, but it still feels awkward at first.
The “Productivity Hangover”
Even rest gets twisted into a task. We plan it out, but it sometimes doesn’t feel like we had hoped. “Even though I napped, I don’t feel rested.” Or, “I meditated, but thoughts kept popping into my head the entire time.” Just sitting down to plan out tasks feels strange (shouldn’t I be standing up?)
But the truth is, relaxation isn’t something to do. It’s something to allow.
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Small Steps to Relearn Rest
If relaxing feels foreign, you’re not alone. It’s because your body doesn’t trust that it’s safe to slow down…yet. Start small:
Pause for 2 minutes with no phone, no podcast, no plan.
Let the silence be awkward. Over time it feels less weird, I promise.
Remind yourself you don’t have to earn rest. You’re allowed to recharge just because.
The goal isn’t to become great at doing nothing. It’s to stop seeing rest as something to check off your list.
Closing Thoughts
In the quiet moments, we reconnect with ourselves. The person beneath the schedule, the one who doesn’t need to do anything in order to be worthy of our beautiful life.
Coaching question: What’s one small moment today where you could pause - without earning it, planning it, or optimizing it - and just be?
Until next time, enjoy the journey!
Copyright Me Time 4 Mom, LLC
